I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
