Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
