thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
