I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize