You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
