Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
