I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
