he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ttyl tear gas
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
