I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
