It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
