I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
