You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
