You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
