Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
