You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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