My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
