"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
