bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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