Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Life is so much better after having sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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