It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
