This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
