Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
