when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
