Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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