good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
