Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
