Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
