Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
