Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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