Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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