quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
