Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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