3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
