You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
