Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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