I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
