You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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