Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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