im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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