2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
