East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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