I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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