And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
