a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
