So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
