after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
