You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize