yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
