I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
