found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
