We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
