So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
