Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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