I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
