got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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