i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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