omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
