I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize