I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
