it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
