There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I could make wine with my vomit
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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