If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
