I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
