you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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