alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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