I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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