My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
