I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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