Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
