i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
