I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
the raccoons are back...
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