My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
