the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need a beard to bite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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