I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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