Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
