alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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