Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Less talking, more tequila
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
