there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
