they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
