If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
