hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
