He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
