My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just invented taco cereal.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
