Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
