She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think i got beer on your cat.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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