im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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